The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
