Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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