you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
