cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize