If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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