Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My ass is underappreciated
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
