Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
