I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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