Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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