i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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