saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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