He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
