somebody snuck up and got me drunk
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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