No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i out mim tonsoeep
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