he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
