you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
