Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
