i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He did a backflip because drugs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
