Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
