just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
