But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
