i just wanna soil my oats bro
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
