I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My vagina is very pro this idea
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize