I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
