one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
