dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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