Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize