And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize