i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
