i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
