: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
