Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
