I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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