So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
