She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
