he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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