Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
