Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
