They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
