We named our party play list daddy issues
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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