The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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