Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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