I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
