Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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