Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
