You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
