Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
