ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
