Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
