I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Please, let me fuck your mom
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
