everyone is single if you try hard enough
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
