I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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