ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
