You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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