Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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