Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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