It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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