This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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