i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
