I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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