there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
