Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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