Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
