all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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