your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
