i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
