hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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