sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize