haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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