I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have fence marks all over my body
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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