Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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