my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
